Although it seems strange now, but it is time to walk hand in hand back with my dearest friend: loneliness. No, it is not sad.
I said to myself, it pains when a heart is broken, it is Ok to cry. But it can't be left broken, there must be a time to pick up the pieces and glue it back together.
It will not return back to the original shape, there will be dents and scars, but it still will be good.
I've learned that there is a boundary between things that I can tolerate and things that I really can't accept. I am glad that I didn't venture too far.
I'm glad that my compass was working and I didn't turn into the person that I don't want to be.
I've learned about love. Yes, again a bitter lesson after all these years. I've loved and been loved. Wait? Was it true? But most importantly was it something that I really want? Or was it just a consolation prize that I accepted because I was tired chasing the main prize?
Yet I was happy because I remained true to myself. I said things that I really meant, and not hide it under sweet words which eventually turn to lies.
I just can't believe that once I loved such person. Enough to say, we don't have the same compass. Asking myself deep down in my heart, can I accept such person? Sadly the answer is No. I don't want to turn into such person.
Yet the heart still didn't want to let go. We had good times together. Should I throw something which is real but not perfect to...again...chase something which is a mere illusion but perfect?
Am I setting a standard so high that nobody can reach?
Am I dreaming a dream too beautiful to become a reality?
I've learned that to forgive yourself is much harder than forgiving other people.
But at the end, it's time to turn the page into a new leaf. I've closed a chapter in my life book.
My life is strange. It's never perfect, but I am glad that not all has gone astray. There are times to laugh and times to cry. I've ventured and lost my way, and thank God, even without said prayers, He was there as a guidance.
Will the world love me if they know who I really am? I don't know the answer, but I know that the world starts with myself.
