Ketika sedang makan sate ayam di warung tenda, tiba2 datang seorang banci ngamen. Setelah lewat tiba2 teman gw nyeletuk: "Anjrit ngeliat banci hilang nafsu makan gw." Tentu dong gw tanya, "Eh lu ada masalah apa dengan banci?"
"Melanggar kodrat bro, di agama gw itu ga boleh. Jijik gw ngeliatnya, masa cowo berlagak seperti cewe."
Jawaban yang sudah bisa gw tebak. Sepertinya mulai jadi trend, seperti lagu pop norak yang diputar dimana2.
Di poin ini gw diam. Satu karena gw ga pingin berdebat dan ujung2-nya berantem, lalu kehilangan teman. Di sisi lain gw juga ga kepingin dia ga makan sate ayam karena udah terlanjur pesan.
Tapi di dalam hati gw: "Oooh Tuhan... kenapa gw punya teman seperti ini?"
Kalau gw mau ngomong sejujurnya, ini yang bakal gw omongin:
Bro, kalau gw nurutin agama gw seperti yang lu lakukan, gw ga bakal makan sama lu. Gw juga jijik sama lu.
Kenapa?
Ya agama lu menghina agama gw. Nabinya ga sama. Cara doanya ga sama. Agama gw percaya penganut agama lu masuk neraka, sama seperti banci itu, dan sama sebaliknya.
Bro, kalau gw mau nurutin agama gw dan lu nurutin agama lu, ga ada ceritanya kita berteman. Lu bakal ngeliat gw sama jijiknya dengan lu ngeliat tuh banci. Dan gw juga sama.
Tapi Bro, kenapa gw mau temenan sama lu? Karena gw ngeliat lebih di balik agama lu. Gw ga ngeliat Tuhan lu siapa, gw ga ngeliat lu berdoa berapa kali sehari, pakai gaya apa. Gw ga peduli. Lu berdoa sama setan sambil salto pun terserah.
Yang gw liat Bro adalah tindak tanduk lu. Dan yang paling terlihat Bro adalah bagaimana lu memperlakukan sesama manusia dan binatang.
Seperti lagu Sherina Bro: "Lihatlah segalanya lebih dekat, dan kau akan mengertiiiii......"
Dunia ini memang ada sisi buruknya Bro, ada banci, ada pelacur, ada mafia, ada pembunuh, pemerkosa, macam2 lah.
Tapi Bro, buat apa agama kalau tidak bisa merubah orang menjadi lebih baik?
Ambilah contoh si banci pengamen ini. Mengapa orang2 seperti Bro, penganut agama yang norak ini, fokus melulu ke ke-banci-annya? Kenapa tidak fokus ke pengamennya?
Kenapa agama Bro tidak bisa menjadikan pengamen menjadi insinyur roket? Kenapa ribuuut melulu mau merubah banci menjadi pria yang juga ujung2-nya masih sulit buat dia mencari makan?
Gw percaya Bro bahwa Tuhan menghargai segala sesuatu. Kalau lu bisa mengubah banci pengamen menjadi banci insinyur roket, walaupun tetap banci, di hadapan Tuhan lu sudah dapat pahala yang luar biasa besar.
Tindakan seperti sekarang ini adalah tindakan pengecut Bro, karena Bro hanya memilih tindakan konfrontatif dimana Bro yakin bahwa Bro berada di pihak mayoritas (dan banci di minoritas), dan Bro menghindari jalan yang lebih sulit.
Bro, kita semua ini punya dosa. Seperti sebuah spidol yang kita coret2 di wajah. Kita tidak bisa melihat apa yang tercoret di wajah sendiri, tapi kita selalu melihat apa yang tercoret di wajah orang lain. Daripada saling mengejek Bro, cobalah kita ambil langkah konkrit, ambil lap dan bantu menghapus coretan di wajah orang lain. Setiap coretan yang terhapus adalah pahala Bro.
Coretan di wajah orang lain mungkin tidak akan bisa bersih 100%, termasuk di wajah kita sendiri Bro. Mungkin terkadang sudah dihapus, eh dia coret lagi. Dan mungkin kita sendiri juga begitu, mencoret2 lagi wajah sendiri.
Tapi bukankah ada Tuhan Bro? Apa yang sia-sia di mata manusia, semuanya dicatat oleh Tuhan Bro. Semua niatan dan usaha baik disimpan sama Tuhan, untuk bekal Bro di surga nanti.
Bayangkan dunia tanpa coretan Bro.... bagaimana Bro bisa mendapat pahala? Bagaimana Bro bisa menuju surga jika tidak ada coretan sebiji-pun di wajah manusia2 di muka bumi ini?
Janganlah menyimpan kebencian dan hinaan di hati Bro. Cobalah diganti dengan menyimpan niatan dan kata2 yang menjadikan orang lain lebih baik.
Bro, inilah Tuhan yang gw percayai. Gw sungguh bersyukur punya Tuhan seperti ini.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
I dreamed a dream...
Four powerful words from Les Miserables. A legendary novel, musical, and I am wondering the upcoming movie. Four hours long?
Victor Hugo, the writer, was never a big fan of church. He considered church as outdated and full of ignorance of surrounding poverty.
However in Les Miserables: Victor Hugo wrote that a bishop lied to save Jean Valjean saying that the silverware he stole was gift, changing his life forever. And from this point, the kindness begins to roll.
Valjean later saved Cosette (Fantine's daughter) who was forced to work in inn. Took her as own daugher. He later released Javert, a policeman who hunted him for life, spared his life from execution with no conditions. After that he rescued Marius, who later married with Cosette.
Les Miserables is a huge story. But for me, it is a story about an ex-convict turns into a great noble man with a name of Jean Valjean.
Through the story you can see how Fantine loved Cosette so much, and in difficult situation she sold her hair and two front teeth and became a prostitute. How Eponine loved Marius, who never loved her back, and gave her life to save him. How Valjean loved Cosette so much that after she married with Marius, he asked Marius to take her away, afraid of his past as criminal. He was so heartbroken and lead to his death.
Even though Victor Hugo may not agree with the church, you can see that the closeness of the characters with God.
And he made a bishop as starting point of the story. I keep wondering why?
Perhaps it was a critic, that he once dreamed that church will have compassion for the poor, to show that compassion speaks louder that the teachings?
Les Miserables was written in 1862, 150 years ago. But this story has become eternal. It will be told from generation to generation.
"Do you hear the people sing?
Lost in the valley of the night
It is the music of a people
Who are climbing to the light
For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies
Even the darkest night will end
And the sun will rise
They will live again in freedom
In the garden of the Lord
They will walk behind the plough-share
They will put away the sword
The chain will be broken
And all men will have their reward
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes, tomorrow comes"
Victor Hugo, the writer, was never a big fan of church. He considered church as outdated and full of ignorance of surrounding poverty.
However in Les Miserables: Victor Hugo wrote that a bishop lied to save Jean Valjean saying that the silverware he stole was gift, changing his life forever. And from this point, the kindness begins to roll.
Valjean later saved Cosette (Fantine's daughter) who was forced to work in inn. Took her as own daugher. He later released Javert, a policeman who hunted him for life, spared his life from execution with no conditions. After that he rescued Marius, who later married with Cosette.
Les Miserables is a huge story. But for me, it is a story about an ex-convict turns into a great noble man with a name of Jean Valjean.
Through the story you can see how Fantine loved Cosette so much, and in difficult situation she sold her hair and two front teeth and became a prostitute. How Eponine loved Marius, who never loved her back, and gave her life to save him. How Valjean loved Cosette so much that after she married with Marius, he asked Marius to take her away, afraid of his past as criminal. He was so heartbroken and lead to his death.
Even though Victor Hugo may not agree with the church, you can see that the closeness of the characters with God.
And he made a bishop as starting point of the story. I keep wondering why?
Perhaps it was a critic, that he once dreamed that church will have compassion for the poor, to show that compassion speaks louder that the teachings?
Les Miserables was written in 1862, 150 years ago. But this story has become eternal. It will be told from generation to generation.
"Do you hear the people sing?
Lost in the valley of the night
It is the music of a people
Who are climbing to the light
For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies
Even the darkest night will end
And the sun will rise
They will live again in freedom
In the garden of the Lord
They will walk behind the plough-share
They will put away the sword
The chain will be broken
And all men will have their reward
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes, tomorrow comes"
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Midnight Rant
I think I should say to myself: good job. Good job for navigating through this difficult times.
Although it seems strange now, but it is time to walk hand in hand back with my dearest friend: loneliness. No, it is not sad.
I said to myself, it pains when a heart is broken, it is Ok to cry. But it can't be left broken, there must be a time to pick up the pieces and glue it back together.
It will not return back to the original shape, there will be dents and scars, but it still will be good.
I've learned that there is a boundary between things that I can tolerate and things that I really can't accept. I am glad that I didn't venture too far.
I'm glad that my compass was working and I didn't turn into the person that I don't want to be.
I've learned about love. Yes, again a bitter lesson after all these years. I've loved and been loved. Wait? Was it true? But most importantly was it something that I really want? Or was it just a consolation prize that I accepted because I was tired chasing the main prize?
Yet I was happy because I remained true to myself. I said things that I really meant, and not hide it under sweet words which eventually turn to lies.
I just can't believe that once I loved such person. Enough to say, we don't have the same compass. Asking myself deep down in my heart, can I accept such person? Sadly the answer is No. I don't want to turn into such person.
Yet the heart still didn't want to let go. We had good times together. Should I throw something which is real but not perfect to...again...chase something which is a mere illusion but perfect?
Am I setting a standard so high that nobody can reach?
Am I dreaming a dream too beautiful to become a reality?
I've learned that to forgive yourself is much harder than forgiving other people.
But at the end, it's time to turn the page into a new leaf. I've closed a chapter in my life book.
My life is strange. It's never perfect, but I am glad that not all has gone astray. There are times to laugh and times to cry. I've ventured and lost my way, and thank God, even without said prayers, He was there as a guidance.
Will the world love me if they know who I really am? I don't know the answer, but I know that the world starts with myself.
Sunday, November 04, 2012
2!
Number of dragon boat competition that I was in. Dan kali ini bentrok dengan temu alumni universitas masa muda dulu yang dengan lucunya bisa maju mundur. Ya sudahlah.
Walaupun sudah lama tidak ketemu teman lama, tapi acara yang satu ini rasanya tidak bisa dikorbankan. Setelah berletih2 latihan di bawah terik matahari dan literally mendayung sampai muntah di atas perahu?
Ceritanya gw hampir mengundurkan diri karena cedera punggung bawah 2 minggu lalu. Sehabis mendayung, pas mau pull up, tiba2 otot punggung bagian bawah overstretched. Dan ini benar2 sakit. Sampai paha ikut2-an kram.
Malam harinya gw benar2 kesakitan untuk berdiri, dan untuk berguling ke kanan atau kiri ketika tidur memerlukan perjuangan yang betul2 berat.
Gw bolos kerja satu hari, untuk bos gw sangat pengertian :).
Minggu lalu pun masih belum benar2 sembuh. Gw mencoba 4x race set dan setelah itu rasanya punggung sudah tidak kuat lagi menahan beban.
Untungnya weekend ini si punggung sudah sembuh. Mungkin tidak 100% tapi bisa dikatakan 95%.
Moral of the story: punggung benar2 penting. Invest dengan latihan ketika muda supaya tua nanti tidak kesusahan.
Ceritanya lagi di hari Sabtu, hari H, gw bangun kesiangan. Alamak, disuruh kumpul jam 7.30, gw jam 7.00 baru bangun. Untung tempatnya tidak jauh dari rumah. Tapi konsekuensinya gw ngga sarapan.
Sampai, pemanasan dan menunggu first set. Gw ngga sarapan, tapi cukup pede gw bisa survive set pertama. Toh jiwa pesimisme gw bilang kalau kita bakal kalah cepat, lalu kemas-kemas, pulang, lalu tidur.
Ketika pertama kali dayung gw menyentuh air di pagi itu, gw tahu bahwa gw pingin tidur.
Di setiap set gw selalu mengira kita finish terakhir. Can't help it... pesimisme gw memang luar biasa kuat.
Set pertama, kita finish pertama. Lalu qualified untuk quarter final.
Quarter final, kita finish kedua, kalah dengan AustCham. Orang Australia memang kuat2. Tapi masih qualified ke semi final.
Semi final, kita finish ketiga. Di bawah Filipino Dragon (orang Philipines memang kuat2?), dan Jalan Besar (hanya beda 1 milisecond). Dengan beruntungnya masih lolos ke minor final.
4 tercepat di semifinal pergi ke grandfinal, 4 tercepat kedua pergi ke minor final.
Masih harus mendayung satu nomor lagi.
Diberitahu bahwa juara 1,2, dan 3 di minor final juga bawa pulang sesuatu. Mata semua orang langsung berbinar2. Secara tinggal selangkah lagi dan ada SESUATU gitu loh, bukan cuma datang, dayung dan pulang.
Dan kita finish, dengan segala ketidak percayaan... PERTAMA! Well sejujurnya gw ketika di perahu gw benar2 berpikir kita finish terakhir karena coxswain dan drummer sudah teriak2 seperti orang gila.
But yes we won! Bukan ketiga, atau kedua, tapi pertama! Dengan beda jarak sekitar 3 tempat duduk dengan boat kedua.
Bagi orang lain ini mungkin achievement kecil. Tapi rasanya gw bisa bilang ini benar2 sesuatu yang besar untuk kita. Tim kita bukan tim superfit dengan orang2 berotot besar ataupun sixpack. Kita hanya weekend warriors. Jumlah orangnya pun terbilang sedikit. Di nomor terakhir, selain orang yang diatas perahu, hanya tinggal 3 orang di darat. Untuk cadangan pun tidak bisa. Sepanjang hari formasi orang di atas perahu tidak berubah, kecuali untuk coxswain yang harus ganti karena coach kita punya jadwal tutorial di kampusnya.
Personally ini pertama kalinya gw mendapat "sesuatu" dari olahraga. Hahahaha.... kalau sendiri tidak bisa, ternyata beregu bisa menjadi alternatif.
Tahun lalu gw melewati Singapore River Regatta dalam perjalanan ke gym, dengan separuh iri. Kapan yah gw bisa berotot seperti rower-rower itu?
Ternyata tahun ini gw bisa menemukan sebuah tim, dan mendayung di Singapore River. Tapi tetap tidak berotot :'(.
Takdir atau nasib, entahlah.
Walaupun sudah lama tidak ketemu teman lama, tapi acara yang satu ini rasanya tidak bisa dikorbankan. Setelah berletih2 latihan di bawah terik matahari dan literally mendayung sampai muntah di atas perahu?
Ceritanya gw hampir mengundurkan diri karena cedera punggung bawah 2 minggu lalu. Sehabis mendayung, pas mau pull up, tiba2 otot punggung bagian bawah overstretched. Dan ini benar2 sakit. Sampai paha ikut2-an kram.
Malam harinya gw benar2 kesakitan untuk berdiri, dan untuk berguling ke kanan atau kiri ketika tidur memerlukan perjuangan yang betul2 berat.
Gw bolos kerja satu hari, untuk bos gw sangat pengertian :).
Minggu lalu pun masih belum benar2 sembuh. Gw mencoba 4x race set dan setelah itu rasanya punggung sudah tidak kuat lagi menahan beban.
Untungnya weekend ini si punggung sudah sembuh. Mungkin tidak 100% tapi bisa dikatakan 95%.
Moral of the story: punggung benar2 penting. Invest dengan latihan ketika muda supaya tua nanti tidak kesusahan.
Ceritanya lagi di hari Sabtu, hari H, gw bangun kesiangan. Alamak, disuruh kumpul jam 7.30, gw jam 7.00 baru bangun. Untung tempatnya tidak jauh dari rumah. Tapi konsekuensinya gw ngga sarapan.
Sampai, pemanasan dan menunggu first set. Gw ngga sarapan, tapi cukup pede gw bisa survive set pertama. Toh jiwa pesimisme gw bilang kalau kita bakal kalah cepat, lalu kemas-kemas, pulang, lalu tidur.
Ketika pertama kali dayung gw menyentuh air di pagi itu, gw tahu bahwa gw pingin tidur.
Di setiap set gw selalu mengira kita finish terakhir. Can't help it... pesimisme gw memang luar biasa kuat.
Set pertama, kita finish pertama. Lalu qualified untuk quarter final.
Quarter final, kita finish kedua, kalah dengan AustCham. Orang Australia memang kuat2. Tapi masih qualified ke semi final.
Semi final, kita finish ketiga. Di bawah Filipino Dragon (orang Philipines memang kuat2?), dan Jalan Besar (hanya beda 1 milisecond). Dengan beruntungnya masih lolos ke minor final.
4 tercepat di semifinal pergi ke grandfinal, 4 tercepat kedua pergi ke minor final.
Masih harus mendayung satu nomor lagi.
Diberitahu bahwa juara 1,2, dan 3 di minor final juga bawa pulang sesuatu. Mata semua orang langsung berbinar2. Secara tinggal selangkah lagi dan ada SESUATU gitu loh, bukan cuma datang, dayung dan pulang.
Dan kita finish, dengan segala ketidak percayaan... PERTAMA! Well sejujurnya gw ketika di perahu gw benar2 berpikir kita finish terakhir karena coxswain dan drummer sudah teriak2 seperti orang gila.
Bagi orang lain ini mungkin achievement kecil. Tapi rasanya gw bisa bilang ini benar2 sesuatu yang besar untuk kita. Tim kita bukan tim superfit dengan orang2 berotot besar ataupun sixpack. Kita hanya weekend warriors. Jumlah orangnya pun terbilang sedikit. Di nomor terakhir, selain orang yang diatas perahu, hanya tinggal 3 orang di darat. Untuk cadangan pun tidak bisa. Sepanjang hari formasi orang di atas perahu tidak berubah, kecuali untuk coxswain yang harus ganti karena coach kita punya jadwal tutorial di kampusnya.
Personally ini pertama kalinya gw mendapat "sesuatu" dari olahraga. Hahahaha.... kalau sendiri tidak bisa, ternyata beregu bisa menjadi alternatif.
Tahun lalu gw melewati Singapore River Regatta dalam perjalanan ke gym, dengan separuh iri. Kapan yah gw bisa berotot seperti rower-rower itu?
Ternyata tahun ini gw bisa menemukan sebuah tim, dan mendayung di Singapore River. Tapi tetap tidak berotot :'(.
Takdir atau nasib, entahlah.
Saturday, November 03, 2012
There's a time to come to Singapore, and there's a time to leave
Kemarin nonton adaptasi Singapura dari Stephen Sondheim's Company(wikipedia). Cukup bagus walaupun dalam kondisi normal mungkin gw bisa lebih menikmati.
Masalahnya baru seminggu-dua minggu gw mulai recover dari "depresi". Well, mungkin tidak separah depresi beneran (secara gw juga ngga ke psikolog), tapi kondisi mental masih rapuh.
Well I was seriously seriously down few weeks ago....
Jadi ditambah nonton drama beginian, yang plot-nya tidak terlalu ceria, frustrasi, ironi, dll. Aduh.
Karena ini adaptasi, New York menjadi Singapura. Dan hebatnya klasik adalah New York tahun 1970 kurang lebih sama dengan Singapura 2012:
...
It's a city of strangers,
Some come to work, some to play.
A city of strangers,
Some come to stare, some to stay.
And every day
The ones who stay
Can find each other in the crowded streets and the guarded parks,
By the rusty fountains and the dusty trees with the battered barks,
And they walk together past upholstered walls with the crude remarks.
And they meet at parties through the friends of friends who they never
know.
...
(Another Hundred People)
Cape Cod diubah menjadi Ipoh. Dan kalimatnya Kathy menjadi:
"There's a time to come to Singapore, and there's a time to leave."
Dan gw bertanya2 kepada diri sendiri. Dimana tempat gw di Singapura? Apakah gw bisa beradaptasi dengan ritme kehidupan di sini? Ataukah gw merasa out of place?
Apakah gw hanya datang ke sini untuk bekerja dan bermain? Dan ketika cape bermain atau ingin serius menjalani kehidupan, gw sebenarnya tidak cocok di sini?
Dimana kaki gw akan membawa gw, tapi dimana juga tempat yang akan gw panggil rumah?
Is it here? Or will it be somewhere else?
Dan pertanyaan terbesar: "Who will be my 'company'?" Hahahaha... gw masih 29 tahun dan belum 35 tahun seperti di dalam cerita. Should I be worried? Or should I not? How if I can't really find somebody? How if nobody wants me?
There you go... depressing thoughts.
And my favourite song from Company: Sorry-Grateful. Pertama kali kenal dari kursus musik dulu pas masih muda.
Harry, you ever sorry you got married?
HARRY:
You're always sorry,
You're always grateful,
You're always wondering
What might have been--
Then she walks in.
And still you're sorry,
And still you're grateful,
And still you wonder
And still you doubt--
And she goes out.
Everything's different, nothing's changed.
Only maybe slightly rearranged.
...
Mungkinkah demikian? Dan gw sedikit tersenyum. It's not just applicable to marriage. It's applicable to everything including job and city.
You're always sorry and grateful. Nothing is ever perfect.
Masalahnya baru seminggu-dua minggu gw mulai recover dari "depresi". Well, mungkin tidak separah depresi beneran (secara gw juga ngga ke psikolog), tapi kondisi mental masih rapuh.
Well I was seriously seriously down few weeks ago....
Jadi ditambah nonton drama beginian, yang plot-nya tidak terlalu ceria, frustrasi, ironi, dll. Aduh.
Karena ini adaptasi, New York menjadi Singapura. Dan hebatnya klasik adalah New York tahun 1970 kurang lebih sama dengan Singapura 2012:
...
It's a city of strangers,
Some come to work, some to play.
A city of strangers,
Some come to stare, some to stay.
And every day
The ones who stay
Can find each other in the crowded streets and the guarded parks,
By the rusty fountains and the dusty trees with the battered barks,
And they walk together past upholstered walls with the crude remarks.
And they meet at parties through the friends of friends who they never
know.
...
(Another Hundred People)
Cape Cod diubah menjadi Ipoh. Dan kalimatnya Kathy menjadi:
"There's a time to come to Singapore, and there's a time to leave."
Dan gw bertanya2 kepada diri sendiri. Dimana tempat gw di Singapura? Apakah gw bisa beradaptasi dengan ritme kehidupan di sini? Ataukah gw merasa out of place?
Apakah gw hanya datang ke sini untuk bekerja dan bermain? Dan ketika cape bermain atau ingin serius menjalani kehidupan, gw sebenarnya tidak cocok di sini?
Dimana kaki gw akan membawa gw, tapi dimana juga tempat yang akan gw panggil rumah?
Is it here? Or will it be somewhere else?
Dan pertanyaan terbesar: "Who will be my 'company'?" Hahahaha... gw masih 29 tahun dan belum 35 tahun seperti di dalam cerita. Should I be worried? Or should I not? How if I can't really find somebody? How if nobody wants me?
There you go... depressing thoughts.
And my favourite song from Company: Sorry-Grateful. Pertama kali kenal dari kursus musik dulu pas masih muda.
Harry, you ever sorry you got married?
HARRY:
You're always sorry,
You're always grateful,
You're always wondering
What might have been--
Then she walks in.
And still you're sorry,
And still you're grateful,
And still you wonder
And still you doubt--
And she goes out.
Everything's different, nothing's changed.
Only maybe slightly rearranged.
...
Mungkinkah demikian? Dan gw sedikit tersenyum. It's not just applicable to marriage. It's applicable to everything including job and city.
You're always sorry and grateful. Nothing is ever perfect.
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